';Sweet Potatoe Queens'; Huge Disappointment 2009

I have long been a fan of the books by Jill Connor Browne regarding the exploits of ';The Sweet Potatoe Queens';. I am intentionally mis-spelling ';potato';, because of past experience with authoress Browne getting a bee up her behind about anybody using the term but her. So, if you are familiar with THESE Queens, you will know that the major Queen event is held at the annual parade every year in Jackson. My best friend and I turned fifty this year and decided to celebrate by heading to Jackson to be in the parade. The event is heavily promoted on Jill Connor Browne%26#39;s website and pictures from prior events looked like a blast. Just goes to show you that some things are better in theory than in reality.

Although the hotel the Queens stay at is a Hilton. However, it is an old Hilton and maid service is negligible throughout the event. We received fresh towels only once during our three day stay. Our floor smelled like a cross between vomit and sewage.The room was acceptable, certainly nothing special AT ALL. A meger cup of coffee in the hotel was $3.50 for a small size.

The hotel wasn%26#39;t the only disappointment. The ';special'; events planned for the Queens were poorly planned, done on the cheap, and or over-priced. The ';Big Hat Lunch'; was nothing special. The REAL Queens sit at a table pretty much by themselves and don%26#39;t mingle much at all with the so-called want-to-be queens. The author herself strolls through the restuarant, poses for a few photo ops and that is pretty much it.

That evening is the so-called ';ball'; at Mal%26#39;s. Mal%26#39;s is pretty much a dive of a bar in an old warehouse. The people that showed-up and Mal%26#39;s were there to basically become stupidly innebriated and behaved like a pack of hillbillies. It was difficult for me to believe that any of these people actually read books. The staff had to pull one drunken want-to-queen off a post she was climbing. Seeing old-enough-to-know-better-women drinking too much and barfing in the parking lot was downright depressing. By the time we had left the ball, we were starting to get the feeling we had been had.

The next morning was the parade. They having been doing this parade for a looonnnngggg time, so you think if they were going to make a bunch of women stand-out in the heat for five to six hour they might at least provide drinking water. I had to walk to a Conoco station to get a bottle of water. The actual queens themselves pretty much avoid mingling with the people, who at this point have spent a considerable amount of time and effort getting themselves to, from and dressed for this event. We stood and stood and stood waiting for the parade to begin. When it finally began, we got to walk though downtown Jackson, which pretty much looks post apocalyptic. If you don%26#39;t throw beeds, drunken bystanders will jeer at you and throw stuff, especially hot dogs. (Mind you, people have spent money to get involved in this foolishness.) At least a dozen male bystanders will should lewd comments at you, since they confuse queens with strippers. This may be a Mardi-Gras-Want-To-Be, but children are present and a lot of adults were behaving very badly. After marching, marching, marching, marching, marching, without water, without a first aid station in sight the whole stupid parade is over. The people who are supposed to be giving directions, give the wrong directions. You walk past the acutual queens who are tooooooo... fabulous to tell your hot, sweaty self that you are headed in the wrong direction (along with 30 or 40 more of your fellow want-to-be%26#39;s (aka ';suckers';). You circle back and wait for a bus that isn%26#39;t there. You wait for forty-five minutes in the sun, meanwhile getting sun burned and thinking that hailing a cab might be the best way back to the hotel, but afraid you%26#39;ll get sun stroke if you actually go looking for one.

At this point I had my fill of drunken group activities. If getting throughly intoxicated, or you are a practicing alcoholic hillbilly, this event might be for you. If this wasn%26#39;t a fundraising effort for a children%26#39;s hospital, I think I would have shot myself for being the biggest fool on the planet. In short, I do not want to be a Sweet Potatoe Queen.

';Sweet Potatoe Queens'; Huge Disappointment 2009

Have you read the sweet potato queen books at all? If the giant boobs and short skirts of the queens don%26#39;t tip you off, the whole thing is quite bawdy. The fact that the drinking surprised you is downright shocking to me; isn%26#39;t that obvious to anyone who%26#39;s read the books?

I%26#39;ve gone to the St. Patrick%26#39;s Day parade for years and always have a good time. I suppose attitude makes everything...

';Sweet Potatoe Queens'; Huge Disappointment 2009

Yes, I have read the books -- every single last one of them. I am glad you had a good time, because I certainly didn%26#39;t. As for your ';good attitude'; admonishment: I suppose if I had the right ';attitude'; I would have a good time in a prison camp. I padded my boobs and my as* stood in the sun for five hours and marched in that stupid parade. I can%26#39;t tell you how delightful the simulated copulation dance was that the woman in front of me performed with an anonymous male. She couldn%26#39;t bother to put on a costume for the parade, but she had the pretend ';air-sex'; down pat. Just hope the under ten crowd appreciated it. I mean it was really, really, really INNAPPRORIATE. There is bawdy and the books are bawdy. Then there is vulgar. Some of that parade was vulgar, out-of-hand and definately NOT for children. Sorry, this was not my idea fun. If you like standing in the hot sun to walk behind a pack of queens who are too good to talk to you, having lewd comments shouted at you from creepy male bystander, and having hot dogs thrown at you, have at it. I am completely capable of having fun without having to use the excuse of getting so get so sh*t-faced I am barfing all over my sequins in the parking lot. I won%26#39;t be back.

None of this ';shocked'; me. I%26#39;ve seen this all behavior before at college frat parties.